How He has led me here
Hi all! Well, my first blog update here, and it's crazy to think that I will be leaving next week! It is weird also to be writing, because it’s hard to know where to start! This last year has been a crazy one for me. Looking at where my life was a year and a half ago to now, I feel like a completely different person. To the point of being convicted that God would “give me over to my own sinful desires”, to now where God has called me to give up my things, and go across the world to serve Him. I will be honest; this process has not been an easy one. It has been a process in which He has been teaching me to put my selfish desire aside, and follow Him no matter what. A journey in learning that if I am not giving up my selfish ways, then I am not really His follower. If the Son of God, the perfect one, the one who took on flesh and has endured all types of temptations, was willing to endure the cross in my place, who am I not to put my selfish ways aside to follow Him. These are the lessons I have been learning. Not only am I learning how to truly be His follower, I am also learning that what He says goes; that my ways are not His ways, and that my thoughts are not His thoughts.
Earlier this year, I had plans of how I wanted to spend more time investing in my church and staying here, but God had other plans. He knew that there were many things that I have relying on and finding security in instead of in Him. That’s when this opportunity came to me via my boss. In human eyes it doesn’t seem to make sense because it would mean quitting my job, going to work with a family overseas, not get paid, and having to raise money to go. When this was first presented to me, I did not want to do it. I had just started feeling like I was in a good place and really beginning to make a difference in where I was ministry wise. I didn’t want to give up where I was and what I was building, to just lose it all. I also didn’t feel ready or worthy to leave. I felt like because of my past, and what I was working through that I was not worthy of being sent. I was not good enough to partake in this opportunity to move overseas because I wasn’t good enough. When I told others in my life about the opportunity I expected them to reaffirm how I felt, that I wasn’t ready, and that I needed to be fixed before I embarked on this journey. This however was not the reaction I got. In fact the response I got was very different. These were people who knew my past, and know my present and they all were very encouraging that I should continue to pursue this.
In my heart also I felt the Lord prodding me and not allowing me to just say no. After several weeks of avoiding making a decision we did a series at church on Jonah. How God called Jonah to go and do something that seemed crazy. To go to an evil and dangerous people group, people who hated Jews, and tell them about the one true God. Not only tell them about God, but tell them that they will be punished if they didn’t repent from their sins. Jonah, in his heart did not want to do this, so he ran. He ran but God followed him. Jonah could not get away from God, and regardless of what Jonah wanted, God’s will persisted. Another thing that really got to me, was when I was talking to my counselor about trying to decide on what to do. She told me, “Catherine, I don’t want to have you here in my office this fall and us having to talk about why you chose not to obey God.” These two things collided in my heart and I was finally able to say yes the Lord. I believe that God has orchestrated all of these things and more to get me to a place where I was willing to say yes to whatever He says. I will admit, this is not as easy as it sounds, and I still struggle with unreservedly saying yes, but I also know that God is not done with me yet. It is a day by day, moment by moment journey of trusting and obeying. We must say yes to Him in the little things, so He can put before us the big things and we will still say yes.